Friday, October 11, 2013

Are The Broncos Really That Good? (SFW)

In high school, I had the privilege of studying under Lowell Sharp, an NFL hall of fame coach. A brilliant mind, and a legend, his quotes and quips are still floating around my head and I use his wisdom regularly. One of his most famous quotes is one I will never forget, "Statistics are like bikinis, they reveal a whole lot, but don't show the good stuff."

By using run-of-the-mill (albeit sexy) statistics, it's easy to look at the Denver Broncos through five games and jump to a lot of conclusions. Like The Broncos are really good, or The Broncos are going to win the Super Bowl or P.F.M. is the G.O.A.T. But what evidence do we actually have to support these conclusions? There are things like win-loss record (5-0) or league leading points per game (46). Don't forget about the old cliches like Peyton Manning and his league leading quarterback rating (136.4), or league leading completion percentage (75.8) or league leading passing yards (1,884), yards per game (377), and TD passes (20). 
Present this evidence to Mr. Sharp, and he'd just laugh at you.
"Yeah but where is the good stuff?" he would probably ask.

According to Wikipedia, a regular two piece bikini is designed to cover the groin, buttocks and breasts

Also known as the good stuff. Or the stuff that stats can't show:

The Groin: Chris Clark
Bronco Country caught a swift Lisfranc to the Lingonberries when Ryan Clady went down against the Giants. Clady was the most important out of all the guys protecting the most important guy. And Chris Clark’s ability to fill Clady’s ginormous jock was a big concern. Chris Clark has performed admirably in Clady’s absence. And since offensive linemen don't get stats, let's give some of PFM's to CFC because since he took over for Clady, Peyton only seems to be getting better.  

The Buttocks: Knowshon Moreno
Lesean Mccoy can kiss my keister, because despite what he might think, Knowshon Moreno is awesome. A cursory perusal of Moreno's statistics through five games (331 rushing yards, 4 TDs a fumble and 127 receiving yards) might not prove he’s an all pro, but that's OK, because statistics don’t measure everything. Like moxie. Knowshon leaps, hurdles, scrambles, powers, blocks and struts. He's tough, he's fast, he protects Peyton’s posteriour and sometimes even argues with him. On a team with a top drawer full of running backs, he might only be the rock amongst the paper and scissors. But for the purposes of this post, Knowshon Moreno puts the can in can-do attitude.  

The Breasts: Wesley Woodyard
On a scale of A to DD, Wesley Woodyard is a WW. He is like the Rod Smith of today's Broncos, and that’s about as big and bouncy of a compliment as I can give. Both became starters and captains after signing with the Broncos as undrafted rookies. Both are known for professionalism and work ethic. I hope Wesley stays with the Broncos as long as Rod Smith, and I hope he gets at least as many Championships. Here’s a Mile High Salute to you, Wesley Woodward. You’re the tits.

Photo courtesy of Colorado Limited. Visit Colorado Limited at 1525 S. South Pearl St, Denver CO 80210 or at

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